Ola boga, jakie pytania... Cisną się na usta odpowiedzi, ale poczekam na fachowca z dziedziny teatru i kostiumologii i sięgam kolejny raz do "Balu w operze" Juliana Tuwima.

A czemu się dziwisz, że był burdel? Przecież to było o burdelu, o dziwkach, o tym wszystkim już w 1936 pisał Tuwim, a Ciebie dziwi podejmowanie podobnych tematów w XXI w.? Mnie nie. Jeśli Ty widziałeś tylko to, to znaczy, że nie zrozumiałeś przesłania spektaklu. Cały ten tuwimowski burdel był tylko tłem, ale dla Ciebie widać najważniejszy, he,he

Dzieła???

Do Mariana - Żadna z osób wypowiadających się dla naszej telewizji, nie wyraziła negatywnej opinii o spektaklu. Szkoda, że Ty Marianie nie wyraziłeś swojego zdania na temat przedstawienia.

Ministerstwo k. finansowało już wyświetlanie homo-pornoli w Zachęcie, więc co tam jakiś seksualny kontredansik. (...) Dalsza część komentarza została usunięta, gdyż był to personalny atak na konkretną osobę, a nie taki jest cel tego serwisu. Jeśli masz ochotę skomentować spektakl, bardzo proszę, ale nie atakuj osoby, która wyraziła swoje zdanie publicznie, w odróżnieniu od bardzo wielu osób, które na widok kamery uciekały, a teraz anonimowo krytykują innych.

Żenada!!!I na takie coś idą NASZE pieniądz e!!!

Drogi Orzeszaninie i inni.
Byłeś na spektaklu czy komentujesz to co zobaczyłeś na tym reportażu? Mam nadzieję że byłeś, bo krytykowanie czegoś czego się nie doświadczyło samemu to jest stąpanie po cienkim lodzie.
A jaką sztukę Ty byś chciał zobaczyć? Taką gdzie panuje pełen wersal i kultura wypowiedzi? Spójrz proszę na stronę IGT Pomost. Zawsze było kulturalnie: Historie Św. Jacka Odrowąża, Wianki, Nasza Chata Rozśpiewana, Partia Solowa. Nie będę wymieniać dalej, jeżeli ktoś jest zainteresowany to sam sobie znajdzie więcej informacji na witrynie tej grupy. Z tego co się orientuje to pierwszy spektakl Pomostu, który wyszedł poza pewne granice, których wcześniej nie przekraczał. Owszem było Tiramisu, gdzie główne role grały dwie kobiety, które odnosiły się do tematu seksu. Gdzie w tam przedstawieniu był erotyzm przepraszam Ciebie bardzo? Jedna aktorka była ubrana w odważny strój, ale z tego co mi wiadomo sama sobie taki wybrała. Ale żeby cały spektakl skwitować „tandeta podlana erotyzmem i nic więcej” to wg mnie bardzo nietrafione słowa. Owszem masz prawo do wyrażania swoich opinii, ale wydaje mi się, że Ciebie boli najbardziej to, że zostały na to przeznaczone pieniążki z Ministerstwa Kultury i Dziedzictwa Narodowego. Możliwe, że się mylę tak myśląc. Jednakże jeżeli trafiłem w Twój czuły punkt to pozwól, że powiem Ci czym się zajmuje między innymi te Ministerstwo; zajmuje się promowaniem i wspieraniem działalności aktorskiej; amatorskich ruchów artystycznych, edukacji kulturalnej (osoby, które czytały Bal w Operze od razu rozpoznają, że cały spektakl jest w klimacie tej znakomitej lektury J. Tuwima przedstawione w innym świetle – lokalnym). Czy również uważasz, że Historie Św. Jacka nie powinny dostać dotacji z MKiDN? Promowała polską – śląską tradycję nawet za granicami kraju. Grupa ta walczy o środki! Tak samo jak każdy inny i jeżeli przedstawiła dobry projekt i wygrała dzięki niemu to dobrze. Lepiej nie inwestować w Polską kulturę i sport tylko budować drogi? Jeżeli uważasz, że szkoda kasy na takie rzeczy to nie będę się rozwijać na ten temat, bo mógłbym podać wiele argumentów dlaczego ta grupa powinna mieć wsparci finansowe.
Bogdanie.
Problem jest taki, że film w telewizji daje wszystko jak na tacy. Jak zaczniesz coś oglądać w TV to najczęściej już na samym początku wiesz kto jest dobry, a kto zły. A w teatrze jest inaczej. Zmusza widza do myślenia. Więc na pierwsze dwa pytania zadane przez Ciebie każdy może odpowiedź inaczej.
Nieskromność gestów, kostiumów i brutalizm języka podczas oglądania całego spektaklu biło Ciebie po uszach, oczach? Mnie nie, przeczytaj książkę Bal w Operze, spektakl ten został stworzony na podstawie tego tomiku. Albo lepiej nie czyta, bo może Ciebie to zgorszyć, skoro to co widziałeś w Jaśkowicach tak Ciebie oburzyło.
Teatr nie jest dla wszystkich, bo nie wszyscy go rozumieją.
Pozdrawiam.

"Taka kultura"....myślę, że kiepskiej baletnicy przeszkadza nawet rąbek u spódnicy. Jaką kulturę zatem pragniesz odbierać w Orzeszu Jaśkowiczaninie?
Jeśli chodzi o kiepskie drogi czy nowe chodniki...to myślę, że może IGT POMOST się tym zajmie, przynajmniej potrafią walczyć o pieniądze na rozwój kultury. Może powinni zawalczyć o nowe drogi >;/

Do Jaśkowiczanina
1. Nie cytowałam Krasickiego (chyba zauważyłeś brak cudzysłowu?)
2. Przy ocenie spektaklu namawiam do zastanowienia się nad sensem tolerancji!
Wg mnie należy zaakceptować odmienność innych (akceptacja nie może być jednak jednoznaczna z aprobatą! Nie można i nie należy, bowiem aprobować czyjegoś postępowania niezgodnego z obowiązującym prawem).
Jakże męczący i nudny byłby świat gdyby wszyscy chcieli robić to samo, mieli takie same poglądy, pasje, taki sam sposób wyrażania uczuć, czy opinii…?
Pamiętajmy o tym, że tolerancyjni ludzie są szczęśliwi – tolerancja do nich wraca. Wymaga jednak,a może przede wszystkim zaakceptowania i tolerancji dla samego siebie.
3. Skoro nie Jan Paweł II – to może George Bernard Shaw „Zdolny tworzy - niezdolny poucza"

Reszta jest milczeniem, Jaśkowiczanin.

" Orzesze jako miasto jest strasznie zacofane " - to wypowiedz jednej z "aktorek"Czy w ramach takiej tolerancji,postępu,wnoszenia erotyzmu, krzyków, wulgaryzmów,wrzasków tylko po to żeby być "trendy",żeby być orzeską awangardą,żeby być zgodnie z dzisiejszą modą Orzesze wyjdzie z tego zacofania?Wolę już taki orzeski zaścianek niż taki postęp.Jeśli ktoś ma inne zdanie to najlepiej go określić jako nietolerancyjny.Czy tolerancja polega na przytakiwaniu i niereagowaniu na niewłaściwe zachowania?A z tymi podatkami nie licytujmy się,bo każdy może powiedzieć ja płacę i moja część mnie się należy.Są przecież potrzeby ogólnospołeczne ważniejsze od pewnych ekstrawagancji.A tak na koniec-może by pojechać z tym spektaklem do Lwowa.Ciekawe czy tam wszyscy byliby tak zachwyceni?

(...) napisz w końcu coś pod swoim nazwiskiem cykorze, bo żeby się poważny radny nawet za babe podawał fee.

Na prośbę internauty, część powyższego komentarza została usunięta.

Ziga.Podpisz się, bo brniesz w niewłaściwm kierunku.Skoro o drugich piszesz konkretnie to miej też odwagę się ujawnić.A tak naprawdę,ani nauczycielka, ani orzeszanin to nie radny,ani Weterynarz i twoje sarkastyczne uwagi trafiły kulą w płot.Nie dyskutujesz o spektaklu,a atakujesz osobę, która z tymi wpisami nie miała nic wspólnego.Teraz wypadałoby przeprosić.

niejednokrotnie juz drogi "weterynarzu" udowodniłeś że nie ma z tobą o czym rozmawiać, powodzenia w dalszym sianiu zamętu, bo tylko to potrafisz zrobić

zalep parę dziur w drodze do jaśkowic, zrób spektakl, zrób cokolwiek, to zaczną cić poważnie traktować

Ja też myślę, że Orzeszanin to nie pan radny. Pan radny nie lubi komentarzy, ponieważ blokuje tą opcję na swojej witrynie - skoro skraca wolność słowa tam, nie powinien zabierać głosu tu i z pewnością by tego nie uczynił, prawda?

Kończymy więc dyskusję o spektaklu jak zwykle w aurze teorii spiskowej i wielkiej boleści nad jaśkowickimi dziurami.

A spektakl - pierwsza klasa, jeszcze raz oklaski i oby do kolejnego:)

Koniecznie na spektakl 9.4.zaproście wasze babcie i wujka ze Lwowa.

Ziga i znowu pudło.Poczytaj komentarz rzeczywiście Czesława po imieniem i nazwiskiem na stronie http:/pnbn.wordpress.com/.A twoje obelżywe obelgi i wulgaryzmy świadczą tylko o twojej bardzo niskiej kulturze.Gdzieś się tego nauczył.Czyżby w MOK.

Czy Panowie krytycy (znaczy człowiek bezczeszczący imię Tuwima, Orzeszanin, Jaśkowiczanian, Nauczycielka z Orzesza oraz Weterynarz) nadrobili swoją powinność i czy któryś z was pojawiał się dzisiaj (w końcu)na spektaklu by (w końcu) móc na własne oczy zobaczyć przedmiot tak zażartej nienawiści?

Jak będzie wystawiany 50-jubileuszowy spektakl to napewno się wybiorę.

do Orzeszanina, Jaśkowiczanina i Nauczycielki: ziejecie nienawiścią ogromnie zaraźliwą. A artykuł pana Starosty tylko to potwierdza, od lat nie napisał o pomościakach dobrego słowa, ale za to nauczył ich bardzo wiele: złośliwości, może i nawet nienawiści. I to jest w tym najsmutniejsze. A spektakl? Jak dla mnie bomba. I zawsze się wzruszam, gdy w rozmowie z chłopcami z DPSu widzę szczęście w ich oczach i za nic w świecie nie ośmielę się krytykować tego, co osiągnęli ani studzić ich zapału do następnego występu: "9...gramy 9maja. Przyjdźcie. Bedziecie?"

Tv Mikolow w żaden spsób nie bierze udziału w tej dsykusji...Forum to otwarta forma w której każdy może wyrazić swoje zdanie i opinię na dany temat. Cieszymy się z dużej ilości komentarzy pod tym filmem, jednak proszę osoby które uczyniły sobie z tego forum miejsce na swoje słowne przepychanki o zaprzestanie dyskujsi na takim poziomie, w przeciwnym wypadku będziemy zmuszeni wyłączyć możlwiość dodawania komentarzy pod tym filmem.

Niesamowite wydarzenie artystyczne w Orzeszu
W imieniu swoim - mieszkańca Jaśkowic zapraszam na 7 maja godz. 20.00.
Jestem dumny, że grają w mojej miejscowości!
A dziury - jakoś je obchodzimy - nie samym chlebem....

Spektakl dla wszystkich - małych i dużych
Zachęcam mieszkańców - byłem, widziałem i na pewno kupię bilet!

Juz byl. Ale Pan niestety mala wiedza dysponuje.

Do rodzicaII.Tą nieprawdą mnie Pan nie sprowokuje

I znowu uczepiliście się p.Cz.Czy wy myślicie,że ktoś inny nie jest wstanie z wami dyskutować.P.RodzicII tak przedstawił sprawę jakoby ten ostatni spektakl był również wystawiony dla przedszkolaków.Dlatego podkreśliłem, że to nieprawda.A to,że wystawialiście inne przedstawienia i dla dzieci też tego nigdzie nie negowałem.Ale my dyskutujemy o konkretnym przedstawieniu.I poco zaraz o kłamstwach,nieprawdach o gryzipiórku.Pan to odbiera z zachwytem,a ja patrzę na to krytycznie.Co nie mogę/

Do Rodzica II.Chyba pan ma już pewną obsesję na temat p.Cz. Czy pan wszystkich legitymował przy wejściu?Dyskusja dotyczy konkretnego przedstawienia.A pan dalej brnie.I tylko:nieprawda, kłamstwa,pisanie bzdur.Czy do Pana kiedyś dotrze to,że ktoś może mieć inne zdanie?Czy musi podzielać Pana zachwyt?Tu wychodzi Pana tolerancja.A przepraszać nikogo nie zamierzam,bo nikogo na tym forum nie obraziłem.W przeciwieństwie do Pana.

Trzeba przyznać rację, niepotrzebnie doszukujemy się w każdym głosie krytyki 5 groszy pana Radnego.

Jednak patrząc z drugiej, czysto emocjonalnej i ludzkiej strony, osoby, które są wobec nas bezzasadnie i permanentnie nieżyczliwe, od razu kojarzą się co najmniej pejoratywnie. Można tylko żałować p.Czesława, że ma pośród wyborców opinię człowieka porywczego, aroganckiego i wykpiwającego wszelkie przejawy działalności dzieci, młodzieży i dorosłych obywateli Orzesza.

Nikt Cię Nie zmusza do bycia sympatykiem - nie dyskutujemy też o radnym - on nas nie obchodzi - chociaż rozpędził tą dyskusje.
Proszę tylko - wypowiadaj się na temat rzeczy, o których masz pojęcie - żeby prowadzić dyskusje na temat książki, filmu, spektaklu - etc. trzeba, żeby być wiarygodnym najpierw zapoznać się z tematem , a wy przepraszam nie macie pojęcia!
Szkoda!

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Hi there, what's up you guys???

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

The truth is more important than the facts.

The truth is more important than the facts.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Men have become the tools of their tools.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.